“Being a Mother Seems Like a Lot of Work, Being a Father Looks Like a Lot More Fun.”

When your thirteen year old boy observes the world...

Dear Prudie today was a doozy! First, the best bit was that there was a guest columnist. Sometimes they’re good, other times, it’s phoned in by a famous person’s publicist.

Today, though the guest was a good writer and the coincidentally famous Stephen King. (His book On Writing is on my writing craft keeper shelf).

The first letter writer riled me up as all stories on women’s household and emotional labor do. Some years ago, I read an article in the New York Times that talked about the invisible emotional labor women take on. It said that in a study most men forget (forget?!?!?) about the house and its issues the minute they step out the door on the way to work, while women keep a running to-do list in their mind even when pursuing full-time work outside of the home.

With that context, I give you today’s letter. The wife in this heterosexual couple with a small child, quiet quit. She gave up managing her husband’s family ties, finding a babysitter on his boys-night-out, and cooking full meals. Do I have to tell you the result? Her husband’s losing his mind. Unfortunately, they have a marriage therapist on his side asking the wife to put more of the stuff back onto her plate!

This kind of thing always makes me a seething, frothing-at-the-mouth angry woman as few other topics do. Women in heterosexual marriages do an unfair share of household labor whether they have kids or not, whether they work full time outside of the house or not, and it’s one of the greatest unfairnesses in the world.

Last week, I was watching France 24 (my son’s favorite vacation night activity), when they did a segment on the baby bust among the previous fecund Frenchwoman. During this segment, they discuss the drop in births in this modern Western country, how the country can’t seem to subsidize it’s way out of this, and without women having babies, how are they going to support social programs that rely on new workers?

Then, the story goes on to talk about how these social policies only work if women have babies, then immediately return to full-time work outside of the house so they can pay into social programs. During the entire 6:21 minute segment, the missing component: what men can do? They’re noticeably absent from the list of solutions to this so-called problem. Minutes after the story ended, my son turns to me and says, ‘being a mother seems like a lot of work, being a father looks like a lot more fun.’

He may well be right. There’s a reason married men are at the top of the happiness pyramid, while married women are at the bottom. I don’t want to raise a son in a world where women have to sacrifice their health and happiness to keep men content and alive longer. If he, and other boys and men, eventually want marriage and children, they need to do more…whether that’s emotional labor, household labor or both. Or we need society to support women and the children it needs to support the pyramid scheme of social welfare. I’m not holding my breath.

Aime Austin is the author of the Casey Cort and Nicole Long Series of legal thrillers. She is also the host of the podcast, A Time to Thrill. When she's not writing crime fiction or interviewing brilliant creators for her podcast, she's in a yoga pose, knitting, or reading. Aime splits her time between Los Angeles and Budapest. Before turning to writing, Aime practiced family and criminal law in Cleveland, Ohio.